Sunday, February 1, 2015

I'm Sorry I Let You Drown

We were wrong for each other in more ways than one. Everyone around us could see it, and I think at some point, we may have even acknowledged it, too. Though, we wouldn't throw in the towel until we destroyed each other, just to be sure. 
We were wrong for each other, but we needed each other. Two broken people hoping two halves would make a 
When a relationship is built off a foundation of desperation, the fall is inevitable. We couldn't see that. We wouldn't accept that. We refused any sense, and tuned out outsiders who were relentless in their attempts to see us understand: we were wrong for each other. 
Circumstance had dropped us in the middle of the ocean, forgetting to provide life preservers, like circumstance often does. Two broken people left to brave the choppy, unforgiving waters of life. I didn't know how to swim. I could have forgotten, but I'm not quite sure I had ever learned. 
We vowed to face the waves together. We would find the shore, if it killed us. I served as the arms, and he was the legs. I would stroke, and he would kick. I would stroke, and he would kick. 
When you start out, the sense of determination, the feeling of endless possibility serves as the sail, the driving force pushing you forward. Who needs sense? We carried on for what felt like a hundred miles, just going through the motions. Stroke, kick, stroke, kick, stroke, kick. We seemed to have developed a pattern. We were getting the hand of the mundane motions we had come so accustomed to. 
The funny thing about life is, when you think you’ve got it all figured out, and convince yourself you can tread water, 
life sends you an honest reminder that you don’t control the direction of the sails. No one possesses that kind of power, the 
inflated ego has only blocked out any better judgment
Stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke, kick, stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke, kick.
Eventually the legs grew tired, limbs lazy. The arms were forced to kick it in gear in order to stay afloat. 
The arms got faster, strokes harder, determination stronger. The legs got weaker, descending now. If both forces were to go out, they would both drown. There was no sense behind that logic. The legs gave out, falling under water. 
The arms kept going, pushing forward, trying to gain sight of the shore without use of the legs. 
Stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke. 
Without the help of the legs working in conjunction with the arms, the arms too grew tired. One cannot survive without the other. Instead, the parts submit themselves to larger forces of the ocean, giving in to the riptide. The individual forces were pulled further from the shore, further from the temporary bond of each other. The further away these forces became, the closer they got to becoming whole. 
We were no good for each other. I think I knew it from the start, but I couldn’t have made it through the waves, without you working as part of me.
I’m sorry I let you drown, but we were no good for each other. 
I refuse to sink with you. 
I’m sorry I let you drown. 

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